The Last Lecture

Unsolicited / solicited advice

On the last day of Storyfort here in Boise, Idaho I had the opportunity to sit on a panel with some lovely authors, including Megan Nolan and Justin Taylor who, by some grand accident -or possibly fate, I have become friends with over the last few years. For this event we were asked to give a lecture on writing, advice, process…etc., as if it were our last chance.

Thanks to everyone who came out, who came up to us afterwards, to those who reached out wanting a copy, and especially to my dear friend Sam Berman for giving me the mic.

I didn’t want to take the time finding a place to get it published. Below is what I shared, with few edits. Also - there’s no rhyme or reason to the succession. Enjoy <3

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When you listen to someone giving you advice it’s really annoying. Even though I’m pretty good at being annoying, I won’t be offended if you completely ignore this. You should always do what you want and what you feel is right because I don’t know you or what you’ve lived through. After living 36 years of my own life (that feels more like 800) I’m still learning and failing every day.

I’m actually not a pro at anything, except for maybe feeling horrible a lot and knowing how to use it to my benefit. I became a writer at a very young age out of necessity. A dire need for me to sort through early trauma. I didn’t think I’d live to sixteen let alone make it into my thirties. I haven’t done anything the right way. I don’t wake up at 5am to drink lemon water or count my macros. I don’t have set writing times. I don’t finish reading books when I’d like to. For most of my life I only wrote for myself. I spent a long time running from the idea that life could be great because I didn’t believe it could be. The more I wrote and processed, the more I didn’t go to the party, and didn’t do what other people wanted me to, the more clear I was in my own self and my writing followed. I guess what I mean by all this is there is no race. There is no timeline. The world will tell you that there is but there isn’t. When you finally decide to show up and share what you’ve written, that’s when you’re supposed to show up and share.

So let’s start there:

1. You need to know that your shit is never going to be the best. Being the best isn’t real. It might be the best to some, or maybe more than that but the only person to be bested is the version of yourself that you’re trying to improve.

   The only reason I’ve ever been happy with what I’ve written is because I exist with the ingrained understanding that it will be forgotten. There is freedom in that more than I can explain. Don’t do it for remembrance. Do it because you want to. Do it because you feel compelled to.

   I believe it’s imperative to feel insignificant sometimes. The weight of that alone is enough to pull your head out of your own ass to remind you that you are not saving the world by writing. You are somehow alive in a body that is always dying in a world that will burn up in a Universe that no one understands, so don’t act like you’re hot shit because it gets old quick and the only person you’re fooling is yourself.

2. There are no two people on this earth that are the same. We are taught, formatted, stuffed, and trained to be as similar as possible but that doesn’t mean we are. You are the only one who can feel the world around you in the ways that you do. When it comes to nonfiction everything you write about will feel like the biggest deal in the world. It isn’t the biggest deal in the world.

   The more you live experiences the more you will be able to write about them. The more you see things and fail the more you will learn about yourself and the world around you. Write down everything in a diary. Keep it, learn from it, and share some of it, not all of it. Keep some things just for you. The joy of processing the mess before you fade is more important than getting published. Write so that once you fade you can feel good about what you did or what you tried for. It’s not about success or the idea of being successful because it’s exactly that, a construct. An idea. It doesn’t exist.

3. You have to be okay with being embarrassed. Leaning into the folds of shame and overwhelming despair because that’s what being an artist is. It’s about failure, heartache, and defeat so you can bring yourself to the page and make something from it. Don’t let vulnerability stop you from saying what you need to process. There will be someone out there who wants to read it or hear it and get something from it.

4. As an artist and a writer the best gift I’ve given to myself is the permission to say “no.” To not, in fact, jump at every opportunity or stand up to every mic that’s available. To not overwhelm myself with productivity into output existence. I like writing from compulsion rather than duty. If you are just starting out, I feel like it’s better to take your time. Take the time you need to not rush things out of you.

   Let yourself grow and change. You don’t have to do the same thing forever. You can let shit go with the flow and move into something else if you want to. I have always written when I wanted to. And there are beautiful times when all you want to do is write, and that is when you should write. For as long as that is flowing that’s when you should be writing. When your brain is racing in the middle of the night because you have ideas and words and stories and visuals keeping you up, that’s when the creative takes over and you should let it.

5. There is something to be said for writing what you enjoy. The notion of ‘writing what you wish you could read’ is a great motivator. Whatever pushes you and gets you excited to write, that’s what you should be writing. I’ve been so used to weaving essays into film reviews about horror movies and fashion because that’s what I wanted to read and I couldn’t find it. Whatever keeps you going and makes you fall in love again and again is what you should keep heading towards. Fiction is wonderful, but if you don’t want to write fiction, don’t. You have to listen to yourself. You have to trust yourself. You get to do what you want and do it the way that you want to because there really aren’t any rules.

   As long as you’re making something you really love and it brings you joy, healing, rage, or whatever cognitive dissonance you get yourself into, that is all that should matter. And trust me, people won’t get you, you’ll be misunderstood and judged constantly. You may be the only one who knows who you are and what you mean and that is enough. That will always be enough.

6. This is for my people of color. When you are treated like garbage by someone simply because of the color of your skin or where you came from, trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you. People love showing too much of themselves and bigots always have the hardest time keeping their mouths shut. When you feel so bad you could scream, when you’ve lost days crying about what they’ve said, you still have the ability to use it. Use it in spite of them. Keep it as fuel to accomplish what you want. Hatred towards me has become some of my greatest moments of triumph and healing. Use their hatred for your own gain. And yes, this takes time. Those of us who know what it’s like to live real racism first-hand are the ones who will work even harder to make things happen for ourselves but it is possible to win. When they won’t give you a seat at the table build your own fucking table.

   Don’t let the hatred you grew up believing about yourself change you or stop you from who you want to become. There will be so many people who try to break you and tear you down. You don’t have to let them. There is something so fundamentally powerful about thinking before speaking and feeling before acting. If we are to believe we are worthy of being here simply because we are born, against all odds we are born, then we inherently belong in every room we walk into and every plot of dirt we step on. You will only get this life once, don’t let anyone take it away from you.

7. If you are afraid to share what you’ve written, that’s good. Fear is a wonderful motivator. Don’t get held up on feeling stupid or silly for sharing something because all of this, (and possibly everything we do) is a little stupid and silly. It is rightfully human to feel ridiculous. We are living, breathing, feeling, aching, raging, and doing all the mysterious things we’ll never quite understand. We know little about ourselves and the planet we live on in an un-ending expansive Universe that is unknowable, but we might get a little closer to understanding it all when we write.

   

   banana on the table

   xo, Grace